T Minus 3 days

Happy happy girl.


Lily brings out such joy for so many. Here she is with my mom.


And playing piano with my dad.


My sweet and spicy girl.


Yes, Lily's palate surgery is scheduled for this Friday, December 2nd at 7:30am at UCSF. Please do keep her in your prayers if you remember. We have all been under the weather over here for the past couple of days. Lily has been all right - although she seems to be teething and irritable from that. If she is sick on Friday, the surgery will be postponed. I am at peace with this - I know that the Lord in that case would have His reasons for that. However, you all know how anxious we are for this to be behind all of us, and for her life with a closed palate to begin! Please pray that we would all be recovering from whatever bugs we have so that we have the patience and stamina to care for our little sweetheart post op.

Many have asked - is she going to have a skin graft? How do they close the cleft (gap)? Her cleft is actually quite wide - measured to be 17 mm (nearly 2 centimeters) at one point close to the back of her mouth. There are no skin grafts used. The surgeon will use the tissue within her mouth, and cut flaps to do something that is called a z plasty. I tried to find a good diagram of how exactly it is done, but I am having trouble. If you google z plasty or furlow palatoplasty, you will get more info than you want to know :-). Because of the size of her cleft, there is a 20% chance that she will need another palate surgery. We, or course, are hoping that Dr. Hoffman can get it done successfully in one surgery.

Lily will need to stay one to two days in the hospital. She will be discharged when she can drink by mouth. Only one parent can stay with her overnight (that is me!). Please pray for me, as I am not sure what to expect. Also, pray for Dave and the boys who will be home without me for a couple of days. My in-laws will be here, which will be a huge help.

For about 2 weeks after the surgery, Lily will have to be on a liquid or semi-liquid diet. She will also have to wear arm splints (and possible leg splints) for about that long to prevent her from putting things into her mouth. Oh yeah, she is going to hate that so much.

Ok, onto more positive things! I have received so much encouragement the past week!

First off, Dave told me about this amazing message he heard over the weekend. I couldn't be there because Aaron was (you guessed it) not feeling well that day. We and Lily stayed at my mom's house and watched the Star Wars marathon on t.v. Thankfully, Dave shared with me some of the message which was about prayer. The speaker (Godwin Sun) shared about the story of Esther. How she did NOT have the right to go in to speak to her husband the king unless he first asked for her. How the penalty for going before the king without invitation was death. How she bravely went in to see him, hoping that he would extend his sceptre out to her - meaning he would spare her life and give her audience before him. And for those who know the story - that is what happened. The king extended the sceptre to her and heard her pleas for her people. Through Esther's actions, a whole nation of people (Israelites) were saved. And she didn't even have the right to appear before him. Brother Sun reminded us about the power of prayer. And how we, as Christians who trust in Jesus, HAVE the right and the absolute privilege to come right before our King any time we want to. We do not need to hold back. He has made the way for us to come right before Him and speak to Him without any fear of punishment or reproach. Esther was able to save her people when she pled on behalf of them before her king, how much more can be accomplished through our prayers before our Lord our King! Such a wonderful reminder about the importance and power of prayer.

Another encouragement was our across-the-street neighbor said to me about Lily's surgery, "A big step forward." That was a good way to frame it :-).

Finally, so much comfort from brothers and sisters. A sister who has given me the standing offer to pray with me (even in the middle of the night) should I feel the need when I am at the hospital with Lily. Her husband who spoke directly to Lily saying, "Lily, I will be praying for you all day on Friday. We will remember you and be thinking about you all day." And an e-mail from a sister telling me that her family will be praying for little Lily - it is already on their calendar. And in her e-mail she reminded me that she will be in His hands and His heart - and that nothing escapes His notice.

Breakfast Chaos

A little video of "second breakfast" after taking the two older boys to Chinese class last week. In this video you will see. . .
1) My stream of consciousness narration (sorry)
2) Cameo of Dr. Phil
3) Lily doing some of her signs. She signs "Where?," "All done," and "Open." They are a bit hard to catch because she was doing them really quickly. You can check out this ASL Video Dictionary to see what the signs are supposed to look like. Pretty fun stuff!
4) Aaron lovin' on his sister and entertaining her.




Thanks for humoring this proud mama.

GREAT News!!!

I received a call today from the genetic counselor at UCSF regarding Lily's chromosomal array test. . .

Everything is normal!!!

Praise the Lord! Can I get an amen?

You all know how this has been in the back of my mind lately. I am so so thankful that Lily is all right!

I am so elated :-).

Another exciting thing happened yesterday - we received THIS in the mail. . .





Lily's U.S. citizenship papers! I told you that she became a U.S. citizen when she landed on American soil. This is the piece of paper that makes it official. It was a long day for everyone yesterday. The kids and I went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium for the free homeschooling day (and it is about a 90 minute drive from home). Dave was down in Los Angeles yesterday for one of his day trips to work at USC. Anyway, we met at a restaurant for dinner. Dave had zipped home first and saw Lily's citizenship envelope in the mail and brought it to dinner to show us all and celebrate together. We were all so happy to see it! The bad thing was that we nearly left it at the restaurant. Oops. Dave even had to go back in to get it - we nearly drove off without it. That would have been so bad. Thankfully, though, Dave remembered and got it. Phew!

And I finished a sweater a week ago for Lily. It is the Seven Hour Toddler Sweater. It barely fits her and the yarn is already pilly, but I think that now that I have made it once I can knit a version 2.0 that will suit Lily's needs better. It is on the needles already!





I am not much of a knitter, and it is rather exciting that I finished a project. It took me 7 days - about an hour a day.

Lastly, we had our 1 month postplacement visit today. It went well. It was nice to talk to our social worker, Patricia, about how things are going and to fill her in on our trip to China and LIly's development.

Ok - really lastly, a cute story about the boys. They are even now still trying to fall asleep. They are in their pajamas and brushed and tucked in. We have read our books, said our prayers and turned out the lights. Matthew (very typical for him) started worrying about stuff and his mind started wandering all over the place about things that scare him and make him anxious. I told him, "Think about something fun. Think about playing with Peter (his best friend)."


Dubious silence ensued from the direction of Matthew's loft bed. All of a sudden, Nathan replied, "I am thinking about names for new stuffed animals."

:-)

Love it! When I was a girl I would think about names for my future children. I love it that my rough and tumble boy is such a tenderheart bear. Thinking of names for new stuffed animals :-). Sounds like a relaxing way to fall asleep to me :-).

Orphan Sunday

November is Adoption Awareness Month, and last Sunday (the 6th) was Orphan Sunday.

We didn't plan it this way, but we were in Los Angeles for the first time since coming home from China last weekend. We introduced Lily to Dave's parents, and also to my father (my mom was very bummed to be on a business trip) and my sister, June, and her family, and my sister Jenss who was also home for the weekend. Here are all of the Peng grandkids.


And my dad holding Lily for the first time at IHOP.


Last Sunday, we returned to our "home church" we are a part of in Los Angeles. We got to introduce Lily to everyone there on Orphan Sunday. Somehow it felt amazingly right. It felt, in a way, like she is truly home now. Now Grammy just has to meet her over Thanksgiving.

The last week has been tough for me. Lily continues to learn and grow in many ways. We are encouraged every time she learns a new sign, or understands what we are saying, or crosses new milestones. Lily can now not only walk all over the place, but she can go up and down the two steps that lead down into our play room. She has started to feed herself, too (a messy affair - but oh so fun).



The last week has been tough though for a couple of reasons. First of all, I have been so worried about her medical stuff. After visiting UCSF and getting her surgery scheduled, I am growing anxious thinking about that. We have never had a child undergo surgery. The thought of it and caring for her during the painful recovery is daunting to say the least. I know that this is so necessary and that her quality of life will be so much better after it is all said and done. Thankfully, Dave's parents are going to come up a couple of days before the surgery and stay until a week after wards to help with meals and driving the other kids to and fro.

Also, I had mentioned that she is having this chromosome test done (we are still waiting for results), and I am nervous about the results. Even though we have been reassured by the doctors that she is most likely fine, medical test taking of course makes me very nervous as to what *could* come out of it.

Lastly, in the last week, Lily has really started to hit people more and more. Particularly Aaron, poor guy, if he gets in her space or has something she wants (which is pretty much everything). She even whacked me on the nose the other day at Target when we were in the school supply aisle because I took the rubber cement away from her to put away :-(. I know that hitting is normal even for non-adopted children at her age. But goodness it is pretty new to me and rather disconcerting.

We have been trying very hard to teach her about saying "Please" and to be gentle. I hope this passes quickly as now I have even more limited time keeping up with her. I cannot trust her to play with her brothers (or other children) with me at a distance. I have to be right there - within a couple of feet - to watch for flying hands. Needless to say, not much is getting done around here in the housework department :-(. There are moments where I feel completely overwhelmed and frustrated. I savor the time I have after all the kids have gone to bed so I can have a few moments to eat and lounge and relax.

Angie's post about The Tigress was a true encouragement to me. Check it out if you have some time. Sounds like her little Emery and my Lily have lots in common personality-wise.

Please keep Lily and all of us in your prayers.

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Just for fun. Our dear friends Ben and Joanna sent us this bulldog stuffed animal. Joanna even sewed one eye closed just like the real Philly. Seriously, when I see it out of the corner of my eye I think it is really Phil. "Baby Phil" arrived last week and has been a fun addition to our stuffed animal family.

One Word Wednesday

ROSEOLA.

Cranio Cleft Team Appointment at UCSF

I did not write about our insurance problems that we have had recently. To make a long story short, our insurance (which we upgraded to the best upon Lily's homecoming because we knew she would have so many appointments to go to) was no longer being accepted at Lucille Packard Children's Hospital (Stanford's children's hospital). We went to 2 appointments in October (plastics and audiology, you remember) and received a tremendous bill for them. When I called to find out what was up, I found out that Lucille Packard was not contracted at that time. Yes, even though my husband works at Stanford, as a physician mind you . . . our own child was not covered at the children's hospital. So I made an appointment at UCSF which is covered and a preferred provider. In the meantime, the contract has been renegotiated between LPCH and our Anthem Blue Cross - but I think that this whole experience left such a bad taste in my mouth that we decided to just go to UCSF.

Also - they were able to get Lily in this past Monday for her cleft team appointment. I called Thursday, and the appointment was Monday. Amazing!

Anyway, Monday was crazy. I was zapped afterwards, but boy was it productive and high yield. I had to send the 2 older boys to a friend's house at 7 am so that they could get a ride to Chinese school which does not start until 8:30. Then, Dave and I took Lily and Aaron (poor guy had to accompany us) to SF. The appointment was at 9, and we got there in plenty of time. Lily saw the speech therapist, the social worker, the nurse practitioner (she runs the show!), the plastic surgeon, the ENT doctor, the orthodontist, and the geneticist. Crazy, huh? It was great, though. She had to have a blood draw for one more test - a chromosomal ray (not sure if that is the official name) which basically maps out her chromosomes. If you remember, please pray for those results (which should be ready in 2-3 weeks). I hope that her cleft lip and palate are just structural issues and there are no accompanying problems with them.

Everyone was very informative and nice. After the blood draw, it was 2pm! We headed to the foodcourt on campus and ate at Panda Express. Then it was off to pick up the boys and then to piano lessons.

By this time, it was time to go directly to Dave's colleagues home for trick or treating (separate post if I can get motivated). So it was an exhausting day - but I am so glad that Lily got to be seen by so many specialists all in one fell swoop.

Also - the next day the administrative assistant for the plastic surgeon, Dr. Hoffman, called and told us that Lily's palate surgery is scheduled for Friday, December 2nd. I have to say it was a relief to get that scheduled (I know it needs to be done), but also I am getting nervous!

He is Jealous For Me

I'm not sure if I can express what I want to say here, but I will try. I am what is called an "external processor," so forgive me if this gets long winded or seems like it doesn't make much sense. I am trying to get to the bottom of what I am trying to say as I am typing these words out. Okay. . .

This post is about our attachment process with Lily. Many people have asked how we are bonding. Many, very considerate and wise people, have asked Dave and I for appropriate parameters as to how they should interact with Lily. Knowing that she has come from a place where she did not get much attention, and seemingly from what we can guess did not form a strong attachment with any caregiver, these friends and extended family members know that Lily could have very indiscriminate attachment. Meaning, if she was on another woman's lap and not mine, she may not be able to understand the difference. Remember the first day we met Lily - she did not cry or look for the people who drove her to meet us. She was willing to be bathed, fed, held and put to sleep by virtual strangers - US! She could not know or understand that we were people committed to be her forever family, that we were going to be her parents and love her. And yet she was okay with us.

Dave and I received counsel from an adoptive mom of 4 (6 children total) that for the first half a year or so after Lily comes home - we should not leave her with anyone else, that we should not let her wander off and be with other people on her own, and that for the most part - we should be the only ones to hold her. Short in-arms visits with family and friends are fine as long as we are present. If she wants to go into another room (and even if she seems fine without us), we go with her. Hold her tons, and wear her in a front pack or a sling. We are learning about each other - bonding, and I can see this process unfolding and going on for a long LONG while. Another friend who adopted a 12 month old daughter about 4 years ago says that they are still continuing to bond and learn about one another. I am not complaining - as I have said before - it is a privilege. It is a blessing and so rewarding to shower love on a little one, and we get the biggest thrills when we see Lily starting to respond and reciprocate. Many people have commented, "You must be exhausted!" Yes, I am, but sooo happy! And she is worth it!

For instance, just this past week she has started kissing Dave and me!!! Yippee! Very exciting stuff. Truly. It is absolutely the sweetest thing to be kissed by Lily!

We had brought a cloth doll to China for her to play with. When I showed it to her on day 1, she looked at it and threw it on the ground. "Baby?" I would give it back to her. She would throw it on the ground again. This week, when I hand her the baby, she kisses her head. Oh, joy! She now knows that babies are to be loved and cuddled. One of Dave's coworkers bought Lily a stroller and a doll whose eyes open and close. She has pushed that baby around a couple of times and seems to understand. Funny thing was that when Evan was here last week, he really REALLY took to that stroller and doll (he was here when we unwrapped it). He went to sleep with it parked next to him. Evan has always known the love of wonderful parents, and he knew what to do with that baby and stroller. Lily has learned a little bit from watching him play with those toys. And of course, I hope she has learned a lot a bit from being our daughter and a part of our family for the past 4 weeks.

Okay, I am getting off topic a bit.

So, I have a confession to make. When Lily does go for short in-arms visits with people (and she willingly will walk over to them and hug them), I get worried and. . .

I get JEALOUS.

I do not get jealous when my birth children go to other people. Instead, I rather feel so happy for them that they feel comfortable enough to welcome another person into their circle of loved people. I rejoice that they are growing in some independence and reassured that they know that Dave and I are their home base.

Now why is my maternal instinct sending off alarm bells when Lily happily goes to other adults? Yes, I am happy she loves people. But, you see, she does not have that secure home base yet. She does not know quite get fully that I am hers and she is mine. Until we have that strong attachment and bond, I think that I will feel uneasy when she goes to other people easily. We are making so much progress. She has bonded with Dave and me (especially me) AMAZINGLY and quickly in just the few short weeks we have had her. She wants me, looks for me - even when she is giving someone else a hug, she will crane her neck to find me and say, "Mama?" Lily definitely knows us and knows who is in the family.






I remember in college in some English lit class, the subject of God came up. I remember so clearly that my classmate was saying how she felt that God in the Bible must have the biggest insecurity complex since He is always trying to prove to and teach His people that He is God alone, and that they are His people. I disagreed with her even then (silently, of course - you all know how conflict avoidant I am) but could not quite put into words my defense. I knew it wasn't about insecurity. . .

Well, I think I have a little taste of God's heart now. I am not insecure about being Lily's mother (insecure about other things, yes, but not that). I get worried, uneasy and jealous when she goes to other people because I know that she doesn't know any better. Yes, these are all family and friends of ours who we want her to love and accept - but will she know when it is someone who could lead her astray? More importantly, she needs to know that she is our daughter - and to feel like she is our daughter - and to have the true, living relationship to us as our daughter, in order to safely navigate this life and this world.

"I the LORD am a jealous God." (Exodus 20:5). Or like the first line in the David Crowder Band song, "How He Loves":

"He is jealous for me. . . "

The Lord knows that we will only be happy and fulfilled and safe if we belong totally to Him. We don't have the discernment a lot of times about who to go to, and we wander a little to go with others who are nice, or befriend us, or give us cool stuff, or make us feel good. The Lord is jealous for us not because He is insecure, it is because He loves us so much and wants us to have a right relationship with Him. It breaks His heart when He sees that we don't know any better. The LORD loves us so - an obsessive and possessive love.

Not sure if I said any of this right - and I apologize that it has become a bit of a dissertation! And a bit heavy.

Like the photos? Lily js just a live wire most of the time. Notice that she is only really relaxed when she is sleeping next to me in that third photo. It is funny because I think that most parents are trying to get their babies to sleep on their own, and here I am rejoicing when Lily falls asleep in my arms! Some parents might be trying to leave their little ones with babysitters for at trial run at this age, and here we are wanting to keep her as close to us 24/7 as possible.

I leave you with a youtube video of David Crowder unplugged singing "How He loves." I LOVE this version (you have to get past the first thirty seconds or so of small talk). This song really helped me during a hard and dark time. I also love that it is unplugged, and you can definitely see that DC truly believes what he is singing! I love me some DCB :-). An awesome reminder of God's love for us for sure, check it out!