Orphan Sunday

November is Adoption Awareness Month, and last Sunday (the 6th) was Orphan Sunday.

We didn't plan it this way, but we were in Los Angeles for the first time since coming home from China last weekend. We introduced Lily to Dave's parents, and also to my father (my mom was very bummed to be on a business trip) and my sister, June, and her family, and my sister Jenss who was also home for the weekend. Here are all of the Peng grandkids.


And my dad holding Lily for the first time at IHOP.


Last Sunday, we returned to our "home church" we are a part of in Los Angeles. We got to introduce Lily to everyone there on Orphan Sunday. Somehow it felt amazingly right. It felt, in a way, like she is truly home now. Now Grammy just has to meet her over Thanksgiving.

The last week has been tough for me. Lily continues to learn and grow in many ways. We are encouraged every time she learns a new sign, or understands what we are saying, or crosses new milestones. Lily can now not only walk all over the place, but she can go up and down the two steps that lead down into our play room. She has started to feed herself, too (a messy affair - but oh so fun).



The last week has been tough though for a couple of reasons. First of all, I have been so worried about her medical stuff. After visiting UCSF and getting her surgery scheduled, I am growing anxious thinking about that. We have never had a child undergo surgery. The thought of it and caring for her during the painful recovery is daunting to say the least. I know that this is so necessary and that her quality of life will be so much better after it is all said and done. Thankfully, Dave's parents are going to come up a couple of days before the surgery and stay until a week after wards to help with meals and driving the other kids to and fro.

Also, I had mentioned that she is having this chromosome test done (we are still waiting for results), and I am nervous about the results. Even though we have been reassured by the doctors that she is most likely fine, medical test taking of course makes me very nervous as to what *could* come out of it.

Lastly, in the last week, Lily has really started to hit people more and more. Particularly Aaron, poor guy, if he gets in her space or has something she wants (which is pretty much everything). She even whacked me on the nose the other day at Target when we were in the school supply aisle because I took the rubber cement away from her to put away :-(. I know that hitting is normal even for non-adopted children at her age. But goodness it is pretty new to me and rather disconcerting.

We have been trying very hard to teach her about saying "Please" and to be gentle. I hope this passes quickly as now I have even more limited time keeping up with her. I cannot trust her to play with her brothers (or other children) with me at a distance. I have to be right there - within a couple of feet - to watch for flying hands. Needless to say, not much is getting done around here in the housework department :-(. There are moments where I feel completely overwhelmed and frustrated. I savor the time I have after all the kids have gone to bed so I can have a few moments to eat and lounge and relax.

Angie's post about The Tigress was a true encouragement to me. Check it out if you have some time. Sounds like her little Emery and my Lily have lots in common personality-wise.

Please keep Lily and all of us in your prayers.

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Just for fun. Our dear friends Ben and Joanna sent us this bulldog stuffed animal. Joanna even sewed one eye closed just like the real Philly. Seriously, when I see it out of the corner of my eye I think it is really Phil. "Baby Phil" arrived last week and has been a fun addition to our stuffed animal family.

One Word Wednesday

ROSEOLA.

Cranio Cleft Team Appointment at UCSF

I did not write about our insurance problems that we have had recently. To make a long story short, our insurance (which we upgraded to the best upon Lily's homecoming because we knew she would have so many appointments to go to) was no longer being accepted at Lucille Packard Children's Hospital (Stanford's children's hospital). We went to 2 appointments in October (plastics and audiology, you remember) and received a tremendous bill for them. When I called to find out what was up, I found out that Lucille Packard was not contracted at that time. Yes, even though my husband works at Stanford, as a physician mind you . . . our own child was not covered at the children's hospital. So I made an appointment at UCSF which is covered and a preferred provider. In the meantime, the contract has been renegotiated between LPCH and our Anthem Blue Cross - but I think that this whole experience left such a bad taste in my mouth that we decided to just go to UCSF.

Also - they were able to get Lily in this past Monday for her cleft team appointment. I called Thursday, and the appointment was Monday. Amazing!

Anyway, Monday was crazy. I was zapped afterwards, but boy was it productive and high yield. I had to send the 2 older boys to a friend's house at 7 am so that they could get a ride to Chinese school which does not start until 8:30. Then, Dave and I took Lily and Aaron (poor guy had to accompany us) to SF. The appointment was at 9, and we got there in plenty of time. Lily saw the speech therapist, the social worker, the nurse practitioner (she runs the show!), the plastic surgeon, the ENT doctor, the orthodontist, and the geneticist. Crazy, huh? It was great, though. She had to have a blood draw for one more test - a chromosomal ray (not sure if that is the official name) which basically maps out her chromosomes. If you remember, please pray for those results (which should be ready in 2-3 weeks). I hope that her cleft lip and palate are just structural issues and there are no accompanying problems with them.

Everyone was very informative and nice. After the blood draw, it was 2pm! We headed to the foodcourt on campus and ate at Panda Express. Then it was off to pick up the boys and then to piano lessons.

By this time, it was time to go directly to Dave's colleagues home for trick or treating (separate post if I can get motivated). So it was an exhausting day - but I am so glad that Lily got to be seen by so many specialists all in one fell swoop.

Also - the next day the administrative assistant for the plastic surgeon, Dr. Hoffman, called and told us that Lily's palate surgery is scheduled for Friday, December 2nd. I have to say it was a relief to get that scheduled (I know it needs to be done), but also I am getting nervous!

He is Jealous For Me

I'm not sure if I can express what I want to say here, but I will try. I am what is called an "external processor," so forgive me if this gets long winded or seems like it doesn't make much sense. I am trying to get to the bottom of what I am trying to say as I am typing these words out. Okay. . .

This post is about our attachment process with Lily. Many people have asked how we are bonding. Many, very considerate and wise people, have asked Dave and I for appropriate parameters as to how they should interact with Lily. Knowing that she has come from a place where she did not get much attention, and seemingly from what we can guess did not form a strong attachment with any caregiver, these friends and extended family members know that Lily could have very indiscriminate attachment. Meaning, if she was on another woman's lap and not mine, she may not be able to understand the difference. Remember the first day we met Lily - she did not cry or look for the people who drove her to meet us. She was willing to be bathed, fed, held and put to sleep by virtual strangers - US! She could not know or understand that we were people committed to be her forever family, that we were going to be her parents and love her. And yet she was okay with us.

Dave and I received counsel from an adoptive mom of 4 (6 children total) that for the first half a year or so after Lily comes home - we should not leave her with anyone else, that we should not let her wander off and be with other people on her own, and that for the most part - we should be the only ones to hold her. Short in-arms visits with family and friends are fine as long as we are present. If she wants to go into another room (and even if she seems fine without us), we go with her. Hold her tons, and wear her in a front pack or a sling. We are learning about each other - bonding, and I can see this process unfolding and going on for a long LONG while. Another friend who adopted a 12 month old daughter about 4 years ago says that they are still continuing to bond and learn about one another. I am not complaining - as I have said before - it is a privilege. It is a blessing and so rewarding to shower love on a little one, and we get the biggest thrills when we see Lily starting to respond and reciprocate. Many people have commented, "You must be exhausted!" Yes, I am, but sooo happy! And she is worth it!

For instance, just this past week she has started kissing Dave and me!!! Yippee! Very exciting stuff. Truly. It is absolutely the sweetest thing to be kissed by Lily!

We had brought a cloth doll to China for her to play with. When I showed it to her on day 1, she looked at it and threw it on the ground. "Baby?" I would give it back to her. She would throw it on the ground again. This week, when I hand her the baby, she kisses her head. Oh, joy! She now knows that babies are to be loved and cuddled. One of Dave's coworkers bought Lily a stroller and a doll whose eyes open and close. She has pushed that baby around a couple of times and seems to understand. Funny thing was that when Evan was here last week, he really REALLY took to that stroller and doll (he was here when we unwrapped it). He went to sleep with it parked next to him. Evan has always known the love of wonderful parents, and he knew what to do with that baby and stroller. Lily has learned a little bit from watching him play with those toys. And of course, I hope she has learned a lot a bit from being our daughter and a part of our family for the past 4 weeks.

Okay, I am getting off topic a bit.

So, I have a confession to make. When Lily does go for short in-arms visits with people (and she willingly will walk over to them and hug them), I get worried and. . .

I get JEALOUS.

I do not get jealous when my birth children go to other people. Instead, I rather feel so happy for them that they feel comfortable enough to welcome another person into their circle of loved people. I rejoice that they are growing in some independence and reassured that they know that Dave and I are their home base.

Now why is my maternal instinct sending off alarm bells when Lily happily goes to other adults? Yes, I am happy she loves people. But, you see, she does not have that secure home base yet. She does not know quite get fully that I am hers and she is mine. Until we have that strong attachment and bond, I think that I will feel uneasy when she goes to other people easily. We are making so much progress. She has bonded with Dave and me (especially me) AMAZINGLY and quickly in just the few short weeks we have had her. She wants me, looks for me - even when she is giving someone else a hug, she will crane her neck to find me and say, "Mama?" Lily definitely knows us and knows who is in the family.






I remember in college in some English lit class, the subject of God came up. I remember so clearly that my classmate was saying how she felt that God in the Bible must have the biggest insecurity complex since He is always trying to prove to and teach His people that He is God alone, and that they are His people. I disagreed with her even then (silently, of course - you all know how conflict avoidant I am) but could not quite put into words my defense. I knew it wasn't about insecurity. . .

Well, I think I have a little taste of God's heart now. I am not insecure about being Lily's mother (insecure about other things, yes, but not that). I get worried, uneasy and jealous when she goes to other people because I know that she doesn't know any better. Yes, these are all family and friends of ours who we want her to love and accept - but will she know when it is someone who could lead her astray? More importantly, she needs to know that she is our daughter - and to feel like she is our daughter - and to have the true, living relationship to us as our daughter, in order to safely navigate this life and this world.

"I the LORD am a jealous God." (Exodus 20:5). Or like the first line in the David Crowder Band song, "How He Loves":

"He is jealous for me. . . "

The Lord knows that we will only be happy and fulfilled and safe if we belong totally to Him. We don't have the discernment a lot of times about who to go to, and we wander a little to go with others who are nice, or befriend us, or give us cool stuff, or make us feel good. The Lord is jealous for us not because He is insecure, it is because He loves us so much and wants us to have a right relationship with Him. It breaks His heart when He sees that we don't know any better. The LORD loves us so - an obsessive and possessive love.

Not sure if I said any of this right - and I apologize that it has become a bit of a dissertation! And a bit heavy.

Like the photos? Lily js just a live wire most of the time. Notice that she is only really relaxed when she is sleeping next to me in that third photo. It is funny because I think that most parents are trying to get their babies to sleep on their own, and here I am rejoicing when Lily falls asleep in my arms! Some parents might be trying to leave their little ones with babysitters for at trial run at this age, and here we are wanting to keep her as close to us 24/7 as possible.

I leave you with a youtube video of David Crowder unplugged singing "How He loves." I LOVE this version (you have to get past the first thirty seconds or so of small talk). This song really helped me during a hard and dark time. I also love that it is unplugged, and you can definitely see that DC truly believes what he is singing! I love me some DCB :-). An awesome reminder of God's love for us for sure, check it out!

Bedtime And Runaway Bunnies

Here was bedtime at our house last night.

This was snapped (sorry, these are all iPhone pics so the quality is not so good) right after I told Lily it was time to go "nigh nigh." She did not take the news well.


Nathan showing his bedtime reading material. Pokemon Black and White.


Matthew is already reading in bed.


And Dada reading to Aaron. Dave and Aaron have really bonded since Lily came home. I am often busy at bedtime trying to put Lily down first, so Aaron has been requesting (and even preferring) to have Dave read to him instead of Mama. It's all good :-).


Speaking of bedtime reading, this is one of our favorite board books.


I've been meaning to write about this for awhile. It is by Margaret Wise Brown, the same author who wrote Goodnight Moon (another favorite). All of my kids love this book (but perhaps not as much as their mom does). They can practically recite it from memory, I think. Basically the book is about this little bunny who tells his mother he is going to run away. She says that if he runs away she will run after him because he is her little bunny. When he says he will turn into a fish and swim away. . .

She says she will become a fisherman and fish for him. . . (love how the bait at the end of the fishing line is a carrot!)


Then he says that he will turn into a bird and fly away. She says she will become a tree that he comes home to :-).


When he says that then he will become a sailboat and sail away, she says she will become the wind and blow him where she wants him to go. . . (love the bunny ears that are sails - see why I love this book so much?)


I have not included the entire plot, but at the end he gives up and says that he should just stay with Mama and be her little bunny.



And when Nathan was a wee thing, when I would get to this illustration at the end of the book, he would add the line, "And have nummies." Nummies is his word for nursing. It kind of looks like the mother bunny is nursing her baby in the rocking chair, no? And I love the bunny's stripey pajamas!

At the very end of the Runaway Bunny, when the baby bunny knows he will never be able to elude his mother, he says, "Shucks! I might just as well stay here and be your little bunny." And he does.

I remember when I introduced this book to a fellow mom, she asked, "Why does he keep wanting to run away?"

Good question. Seems like he has a good life. A mother who adores him and relentlessly pursues him (even in his imagined fantastical plans of running away) and will become whatever is needed to bring him back home. "For you are MY little bunny," she says. Even the first time I read this book, it made me think of the LORD.

It made me think of how many names He has. There is a whole list here. Jehovah Jireh (the Lord will provide), The Chief Shepherd, Prince of Peace, Wonderful, Counselor, Advocate, El-Roi (the strong one who sees). The list goes on (and I don't even know if this particular list is complete). It is amazing to read through them and think about all of these things that the LORD is, and how we can know these aspects of His character.

It makes me think of how He is just obsessed with us - and wants us to be *His." How He can become whatever we need to bring us to Him. And of course, why do we keep running away? But the Lord is always doing more, waiting longer for us to really be His and not be restless.

I bet I could write "The Runaway Chenning" with not as cute illustrations, telling the on going story of how the Lord keeps showing me how wonderful and able He is, and how He keeps pursuing me and bringing me back to Him.

Isn't She Lovely

Sing it with me!

Hissssssss!

Dave's residents organized an outing for everyone to go to a Stanford football game. I almost feel ashamed to blog about this!

Yes, our first family photo! Just wish that we were at Memorial Stadium at Berkeley instead :-). Lily is wearing the Stanford tee shirt that the residents bought for her.

This was all the kids' first football game ever. It was very exciting - the yelling and screaming, the canon going off every time there was a touchdown, and the spirit band doing their thing. Lots to see and hear and experience. All the kids had a hard time settling down for the night.

I think also the cotton candy may have had something to do with that as well!



Oh yes, the boys love them some cotton candy. I had to stop them from eating the whole bag (3 colors!). Matthew even said as we were walking to the car, "I think I ate too much cotton candy. My stomach hurts."