Damaged Goods

When I was in college, we would gather Tuesday nights for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's large group meeting. We met at First Presbyterian Church - which was right across the street from campus. After you filed through the foyer, got your name tag and greeted friends, you would sit in the cushioned pews in the sanctuary for worship. Jason Jensen, our fearless leader (staff worker) would always come up to the podium and take the mic to welcome everyone and explain what IV was just in case there were any newcomers. He would always say the same thing:

"Welcome to InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's large group meeting. My name is Jason Jensen. We are a group of messed up people who have gathered around and worship the person of Jesus Christ."

Messed up people.

I remember that a friend of mine in IV actually had reservations about Jason introducing our group that way. He felt that it would scare off new people. Messed up people.

But we are messed up people.

Some of us may be messed up in more obvious ways, but all of us have weaknesses and faults and SIN - though we can try to hide it deep inside.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately since we met Lily, and she joined our family. As you know - she was labeled a "special needs adoption." What does this mean? Well, in different countries it may mean different things, but in China it means that there is something about her that makes her probably not adoptable by her native people. When we decided to do the special needs program, Dave and I were able to carefully consider some of the more common medical concerns that come up and make a list for our wonderful adoption coordinator to use to find a child for us. In China, 90% of the orphans are labeled special needs. Some of those special needs would not necessarily be considered such in the United States, but others range from mild and correctible to moderate to severe. Last I heard, there are over 2,000 children on the shared list (these are the special needs children still waiting for a family).

We knew that Lily had a cleft palate, cleft lip, and right ingual hernia. Now that she is home with us, when people meet us and see her and I explain about our medical appointments that we have been going to, they frequently ask, "Did you know she had cleft palate?" Yes, yes, we knew.

The reality of seeing how this special need affects our daughter has been sobering. Even more sobering has been coming to terms (or trying not to think about) how she may have been kept before we adopted her. I wrote about the lice and scabies and how painfully thin she is. I wrote about the scars on her bottom. And her bachycephaly (fancy word for flat head - or as another pediatrician calls it "orphanage head"). I found out yesterday at the general pediatrician's office that a possible reason that her bottom ribs flare out slightly is because she may have rickets. :-(

Rickets is not something we see here in the States very much. It is what can happen to your bones when you do not get enough Vitamin D (either in your diet or from not being outside enough). Thankfully, when I expressed my concern about what is to be done with RICKETS, Dr. Lloyd said, "Oh it's treatable! We will give her some Vitamin D if that is what she needs. It is amazing what a little love and food can do, too."

What am I saying?

Lily was on the special needs list because she could be considered damaged goods.

Damaged because of her medical needs.

And even without that, damaged because she had to experience abandonment, loss, and who knows what else.


This has made me think about those of us who have come to know the love and family of God. We were damaged goods as well. Maybe we don't have a health condition (but maybe we do). Maybe we have a bad temper, or can't stop lying, or wanting to be better than someone else, or maybe we have wandering eyes or abuse or have been abused. We are damaged by sin. And we were in a place where we were so messed up and no one wanted us. . . but the love of Christ came to us and He saved us and adopted us. We actually all have special needs - maybe you just can't see them from the outset.

6 All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
Isaiah 64:6

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding." Ephesians 1:3-8

"for you once were NOT A PEOPLE, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had NOT RECEIVED MERCY, but now you have RECEIVED MERCY" 1Peter 2:10

Now, although adoption is a wonderful picture of God's adoption and love for us - I do not feel like we saved and rescued Lily. What I mean is, yes - probably we did take her out of a situation that was optimal - but we did not adopt her so that we could save a child. We adopted her (and I wanted to adopt) because we love children. And feel that all children should have a loving home. And everyone would be blessed by a child to love. So as much as people say she is "lucky" or "blessed" to have us - I feel even more so that we will be blessed to have her. We are raising her? Yes, and she is raising us :-). Lord willing, we will- each one of us - grow up together in Christ.

We have been home 10 days. There have been challenges - and I feel like I am constantly in a state of emotional or physical exhaustion. Yes, we are having lots of fun and enjoying watching Lily blossom slowly. It is a privilege. But it has been hard too.

Hard because...
I have forgotten how energetic 18 month olds are! Yikes! And like I said before - she is a busy toddler who does not nurse (at least not yet). So no nursing breaks for us.

She cannot communicate very well with us still. When she gets agitated or wants something or wants to go somewhere - she will start making these whining/humming noises in increasing intensity! My nerves! My other children could communicate a lot with me by this age so we didn't have a lot of this. Lily knows a few signs, but we are trying to reinforce them to make life easier (and for her mother's sanity!).

I am stressed by the medical stuff. This is all new to me since my other children are so healthy and I carried them and birthed them and knew all of their medical history and their genetics more or less. Lily has been doing great with the doctors. She is a trooper. I worry because there is so much unknown about her background that we are still trying to figure out. She is having tests and so forth done to just get a baseline. Also - do you know how long it takes to wait to see a specialist? I called today to ENT - and the next available appt is November 16th!

Judy, our China friend, said that when she saw the photo of her Lily she touched it fondly and said, "Mama's gonna fix you all up." I confess that this is how I felt when we first received Lily. As the days have gone on - I realize that it is not necessarily within my power, and that certainly it will not be an overnight process. Patience! I am trying not to let all of this interfere with our bonding. It is hard to bond when you are acting like a nurse. And for the most part, Lily is healthy and normal - she smiles, she laughs, she plays, she eats, she sleeps, she gives hugs, she is happy to see her Daddy, she makes good eye contact :-).

It made me think again of our Lord. How He *DID* rescue us, and we certainly have more to be cleaned up and fixed than Lily's medical needs. However, how He loves us. He is so patient with us. He loves us so completely - and takes us right into His arms without looking over us and thinking of all the things He is going to have to work on. All of those things come gradually as He rehabilitates us and draws us with His love.

Yeah, we are messed up people. But He loves us just the way we are.

Pictures with the "Good" Camera

We went to Argonaut Elementary School over the weekend and snapped some photos of the whole fam with our "good" camera. Wow - what a difference the camera makes. Dave and I had decided not to bring it with us to China since it weighs as much as a small child :-).

Lily has an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Lloyd, our pediatrician. Hoping and praying for a clean bill of health. She has some other issues (besides the cleft lip and palate) that I want to ask him about. Namely a hernia that is unrepaired (but does not seem to bother her), and also her bottom ribs flare out a little. We have not heard yet from ENT or pulmonology as of yet. Also, today I took her to see the cranial sacral therapist for a consult. Dr. Skinner was confident that with 4-6 visits, there should be noticeable improvement in Lily's head shape. I asked her how it worked and apparently CST uses the fluids of the body (going with the flow of them) to help the body decompress and do what it is trying to do anyway. Sounds really. . . ODD. But I think we will give it a try as it is very very gentle, and I have known many mamas who have benefited from it (or their children have). I am going to for sure take before and after photos and see what happens.

Otherwise, Lily is doing well. We are still adjusting over here to having one more member of the family. I am tired. And there is still so much catching up to be done with laundry and unpacking and the boys' schoolwork. Next week should be better.

Home, home, home 9/28/11

Dear Friends and Family,

No pictures tonight - too tired to get all the stuff together to download and upload :-(.
Well, we slept the day away. Little Lily did not go back to sleep until 4am this morning, and that is when everyone else woke up. We all went back to bed at 10 am and slept until 4 pm. Lily slept straight from 4am until 4pm. Jet lag is the pits. But we are home! Home, what a beautiful word indeed.

We are so blessed to have food in our fridge, thanks to a dear family from church. We also had the joy today of visiting a few friends and introducing Lily to them. She is doing well. The only thing that has been hard for her is the carseat. Really her first experience with the carseat because in China - she was in my arms or playing on the floor when we were in the cars and buses.

Also, since we got home, we have been trying to read to her before bedtimes. We realize she has no idea what a book is. Another first for her!

This afternoon we went to Serra park and let the kids play on the playground. I think it was Lily's first experience walking barefoot on the sand in the play area. She kept lifting up her feet and looking at the bottoms as if asking, "What is this stuff?"

Ok - finally everyone is sleeping (it is 1:36 am). I am amazed that we went away as a family of 5, and came home as a family of 6. The Lord is good.

Lily has her first appointment at Stanford with the cranio facial plastic surgeon on Friday at 2:15pm. It is just an initial assessment and to get the ball rolling. She will be evaluated later by a cranio facial team. For cleft babies, a team works together to make a treatment plan. The team is usually comprised of 1)a cranio facial surgeon, 2) an audiologist, 3) a speech pathologist, 4) a dentist, and 5) an orthodontist. They work together to help children with cleft lip/palate in all of these areas.

Please pray for Lily as we begin her medical appointments. And for us, for wisdom and discernment to know what steps to take towards correcting her palate and helping her along with her speech.

Ok - I gotta go as I fear that someone will wake up soon and need my attention.

Love,
Chenning

Day #13 - Travel Day 9/27/11

Dear Friends and Family,

This will be short. We stepped into our home sweet home about 30 minutes ago!
Praise the Lord for His faithfulness and goodness to our family.
On the flight back from Hong Kong to San Fransisco, I really wanted to get the bulkhead seating so that Lily could lie down in a bassinet on the floor (I didn't buy her a seat and was getting nervous about 12 hours with her sleeping on my lap). They would give it to me, but then Lily and I would have to be by ourselves in our own row while the rest of the family would be back a few rows. I decided for us to all stay together. The wonderful thing was that our flight was not full at all! We had empty seats all around in our cabin, so Lily was able to sleep across three seats, with Nathan and I as the bookends to keep her there. Everyone slept for about 7 hours! By the time I looked to see the remaining time, there was only 3 hours and 18 minutes. So thankful for God's provision even in these little things.

We are home! Yay!

More tomorrow, but wanted to let you all know who have been praying so faithfully for us!

Love,
XOXO
Chenning

Day #12 - American Consulate 9/26/11

Dear Friends and Family,

Today we met our guide Aron in the lobby at 9:00am. We head off in a van to the American Consulate in Guangzhou with another family that was actually from another agency. We are the only two families staying at the Garden Hotel who had their consulate appointments today. Matthew thought it was so cool when we explained that when we are in the American Consulate, we are actually in the United States. I have to tell you that I was so happy to see the American flag at the consulate. It was a beautiful sight! It was rather peculiar, though, because the American Consulate is just using two floors of a business building. I was prepared for a very official looking building, but it was kind of a mall on the bottom two floors, and then the American Consulate on the upper two floors. Unfortunately, you are not allowed to take any electronic devices or cameras into the consulate. The other picture I have is in my heart :-). We had to show our passports to get into the consulate and go through metal detectors and put our stuff on a conveyor belt to be x-rayed. When we got in, we waited in a waiting room while 11 other families drifted in with their new children. I recognized MANY of them from the medical clinic and from our flight to Guangzhou from Changsha. I saw at least one other baby there with cleft lip and palate, and it is strange now how I just zone in and feel an instant connection with these families! At 10:00am, one of the employees behind a window (it kind of looked like a bank with tellers) told us it was time to take our oaths. We had to stand up, raise our right hands, and basically take an oath that all of the documentation we had provided was true and accurate. We all cheered afterwards :-). Then the employee went on to explain that our child would become an American citizen as soon as they land on United States soil. Sooo cool! Lily will automatically become a citizen of the United States when we enter San Fransisco airport. Then we waited while families were individually called up. We were third, and the officer needed to see Lily and Dave signed for our family. That was it! They will keep Lily's passport until tomorrow, when Aron will pick it up with Lily's visa stuck inside of it.

That is why our flight has to be late tomorrow. We must pick up her passport and visa after 3:30 pm tomorrow before we can depart from China. Aron has been a terrific guide. CWTS (China Women's Travel Services, the agency that handles all of the in country guidance and arranges our days) really has this down to a science. Every day we have a schedule and Aron makes sure we make it to all of our appointments with our appropriate documents. It would be impossible to do this on our own.

It was a bit of a zoo in the consulate, but they had a play area for kids. Lily was getting antsy and wanting to walk everywhere. I fed her pretzels and played with her on some of the play equipment.

When we got back to the hotel, we bought MacDonald's for lunch. I know, I know - this is getting disgusting, huh? I think that I have lost 5 pounds since I have gotten here, and probably my cholesterol is up 100 points from all the fried food we are eating :-(. We retreated Lily for lice and scabies (you are supposed to repeat the treatment 7 days later to prevent reinfestation. Shivers.) We brought the lunch back to our room and then Lily, Dave and I took a nap. The boys played on the iPad and watched a movie.

We were meeting our group at 2:30pm to go back to Shamian Island for some shopping. The rest of our group who adopted children over the age of 2 had to go back to the Island to go get their child's TB test read at the clinic. Since Lily is under 2, she did not need a TB test, but Aron said we could come along so that we could go shopping on the Island and take a cab back to the hotel at night.

This was a lot of fun! As I said before, Shamian Island really caters to adoptive families. It is very pretty there, and most people can speak some English who own stores there. We walked around with the Ramella family and the Reeds and I bought 3 pairs of squeaky shoes for Lily! They are so adorable and so affordable (between 5-8 USD apiece). I also bought some rag dolls from a store called A Gift From China which is also a charity. The profits go towards caring for the disadvantaged in China. They are really cute and soft, and the dolls are wearing little Chinese outfits.

For dinner, went to Lucy's. A very good dinner! Matthew had a cheeseburger, Nathan had grilled cheese, Dave had peanut butter and jelly (can you tell someone is missing the U.S.?) and I had spaghetti bolognaise. They even had a baby meal for Lily - rice noodles in egg flower soup. Then came the not so fun part of trying to hail a cab. We are pathetic suburban Californians :-(. We had a hard enough time finding a cab, and then most of them were occupied, and then the few that were empty seemed to slow down for us and then drive off without stopping. Dave speculated it was because our family is so large? I don't know.

We were getting hot and sweaty and tired. Finally, we walked to the Victory Hotel (another hot spot for adoptive families) and asked the bell boy in front to help us. He was so nice and hailed a taxi for us. The taxi driver was nice, too, and asked us where our family was from. When we told him that we were from the United States, he smiled and looked at our kids and said, "They still look Chinese." That was a compliment :-).

After we got back to the room the kids had baths and went off to bed. I am going to start packing after I finish this update.
Tomorrow night we begin the long journey home. Our flight from Guangzhou to Hong Kong will be at 10:40pm. That flight is only an hour. Then we have a 50 minute layover to make it onto our next flight which is from Hong Kong to San Fransisco. That will be a 12 1/2 hour flight.

Please pray for our flight back. For safety. For timeliness, so that we can make our connection. I am also getting anxious about how the kids will all do (especially Lily) on the long red-eye flight. I hope that she can rest and sleep some. There will be little room to walk around, so I hope that she will be comfortable and not too stressed. That I can find peace in the midst of what could be a very very long day. Can you tell travling makes ME stressed? Yes, yes, it does.

It has been a wonderful journey. We have been out of our comfort zone, for sure, but it has been so worth it. Our Lily-bug is so worth it! She just gives us lots to be thankful for. The boys are all loving her so much. Aaron has really stepped up, and seems to have grown up so much in just a matter of days. He looks like a giant next to her. I have been taking extra time to be deliberate about giving him more TLC, kisses and hugs.

Lily has learned a few things from us already. Her favorite thing right now is clapping! Any time we are smiling or happy, she will start clapping and looking around for anyone to start clapping with her. She has also learned how to do a high 5. The last thing is that I will point at the overhead light and say, "Dun dun!" (which means "light" in Mandarin). She will raise her hands up and look up too. Next we are trying to teach her to wave to people to say hi and bye. These are such basic basic things that we take for granted, and they are all new to her. Dave and I were just remarking how these are things that a 9 month old can do, and they are new to her. We are happy to see her learning little things by baby steps. She has been crying the last 3 nights when it is time to go to bed. It is as if she is saying she does not want to go to sleep. Or maybe she is remembering how it was to fall asleep in the orphanage or at her foster family's house. Maybe she is confused about her surroundings. I don't know. I lay right next to her or sling her to sleep, but she has cried a little each night. After she falls asleep, though, she is sound asleep and will sleep through until the next morning. A couple of times she has cried in her sleep -but has not woken up. I can only imagine what she is dreaming about or remembering. May the Lord heal her and bring her comfort and security.

Ok - I had better go.

Photos:
1) Picture in front of Starbucks
2) An action pic of Lily doing her favorite thing - clapping! Yay! We are going home!
3) Lily with french fry crumbs on her chin
4) The quality of this picture is awful, but it is on Shamian Island. These statues are a famous landmark there at the park. I have my stroller next to the statue with her stroller :-)

Miss you all!

Love,
Chenning

Day #11-Guangzhou Safari Park

Day #10 - Medical Examination

Dear Friends and Family,

A long stressful day!

We got up at 7:30, and actually had to wake up Nathan and Lily to go down to breakfast. Remember that we didn't get into our beds until past midnight after our little adventure at the airport! We had to meet our guide, Aron (who is a woman by the way) in the lobby at 9:00am to take Lily to her medical examination. This is something that all adopted children must go to before they are released to go home to the States. The clinic is governed by the American Consulate.

Breakfast was incredible. And overwhelming. Incredible because there are SO many adoptive families here at the Garden. Well, actually in Guangzhou because we all have to go through Guangzhou (where the American Consulate is) in order to go home to the United States. It was so wonderful and refreshing and encouraging to see so many families with their beautiful new additions to their families! There are 6 other families from BAAS (Bay Area Adoption Services, which is our agency) that are staying here, not to mention the other families that are here with other agencies. Anyway, it was so cool to see parents interacting and loving on their precious children. I love it! We didn't have much time to eat :-(. We were so late, and the buffet is large - there are more things than you can imagine that you could want to eat for breakfast. Western food like and made to order omelet bar, fresh waffles being made, sausage and ham and oatmeal - and then there is Asian foods like congee, sticky rice wrapped in lotus leaves, smashed bean buns, and miso soup. Too bad we didn't have more time. The dining room is right next to the 5 story waterfall that is at the Garden. Fancy fancy.

We met in the lobby and enjoyed talking to some of the other families. I have yet to meet one family that are not believers! It is such an amazing testimony of how the Lord has touched each of our lives to add a child to the family through adoption :-). Love it!

We took our big bus to Shamian Island where the medical clinic is. Shamian Island is a man made island in Guangzhou. It is beautiful and caters to adoptive families. There are stores all around with cute kids clothing and toys. The clinic is there, as well as nice restaurants and a park with a playground that is very well kept. First we had to take visa photos of our children. Then we waited outside while they were being developed. Afterwards, we got in line at the medical clinic for the exams. Each child needed to go through 3 steps - 1) Height, and weight. 2) Ear Nose and Throat. 3) Medical Exam. This was extremely stressful :-(. Imagine 50 families at this clinic. No one has appointments. One father remarked, "It's like a deli." And that's right. No numbers, you just kind of get in line and wait for the next station to usher you in on a first come and first served basis. Babies and children crying, hoards of people, and not much to do in there at all for the kids so you can imagine how happy they were to wait for their turns.

Lily got weighed and measured. She is 81 cm tall (which is 50th percentile - told you she was tall), 8.6 kilos (about 19 pounds, which is below the curve on the growth chart, less than 3rd percentile). Yep, shrimp bait. She did pretty well for this part. Didn't love it, but didn't cry either.

Next, we went to the ENT station. There, the nurse did a hearing test. Not very sophisticated. Basically, Lily sat on my lap, and she used a squeaker toy and would observe to see if she would turn her head. She did :-). Then she looked in her eyes and used a tongue depressor to look in her mouth. Pretty quick and easy.

Now the last part - the medical examination. This was rough, mainly because we had to wait and wait. Dave stayed in the waiting room with the other 3 kids. Fortunately, there was a tv there with Tom and Jerry on to entertain the siblings. I waited with Lily in the sling for probably an hour :-(. She was getting totally stressed out and restless. She wanted out of the sling, but when I put her down, she would want me to walk her somewhere and of course we could not get out of line. I was getting totally sweaty and worn out waiting for our turn. I was also feeling at a loss because Lily was doing some "orphanage" type behavior like rocking back and forth and throwing herself backwards. Poor thing. I tried to bounce her around and play with her. She ended up crying and sobbing in the sling. This is the first day that she has really cried. It wasn't out of control, but it was sad. And I was feeling stressed as well. But finally of course, our turn did come around. The doctor listened to her heart and looked at her hernia (she has a hernia on her right side that is unrepaired still, this is her other special need). Then we left. Woohoo!

I was ready to get back to the hotel asap. We got back, Dave made a run to Burger King to get take out. I gave Lily a bottle and rocked her to sleep. After lunch in the room, I took a nap, too. I needed that. I felt MUCH better afterwards.

We met the Ramellas in the lobby at 5 to go to dinner. Guangzhou is new to us, but we walked to Trust Market (yes, I am serious) to buy bottled water and snacks. Then we went to KFC right next door for some dinner, and then to Haagan Daas (!) for dessert!!! The ice cream was more than our dinner. But it was gooooood. Lily did great! She rode comfortable in the Ergo, and ate and played at dinner.

We saw a disturbing sight on the way back. Right outside a clothing store for children, there was a young beautiful Chinesewoman who had a sleeping baby in a sling. She had a stoic but sorrowful look on her face. It was downcast - she did not make eye contact with anyone. In her free hand she held a bucket,she was silently and wordlessly pleading for money. In the bucket I saw lots of little bills. Behind her was a man playing a Chinese musical instrument (er hu, I think it is called). He also did not make eye contact, and it was the saddest music. It was really a haunting sight. All these people bustling around shopping for clothes for their children, and this woman and her child just standing in this circle of sorrow right on the side walk.

Lily had trouble going down to sleep. It took her a long time. She cried some, and then was playing and climbing all over me and clapping and kicking. I am not sure if she is still recovering from all the changes, or if she is feeling more free now to show her true colors or what. Anyway, pray for me. After about an hour of that, I decided to sling her and walk around a bit. She finally went down - phew!

Pictures:
1) Waiting for Lily's visa photo to be developed
2) Picture of the clinic from the outside - yes, that is Dave!
3) Like my fake smile as we were in line for what felt like forever for the last part of Lily's medical exam?
4) This one if from yesterday - dinner at Pizza Hut.